come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So many bounce houses so little time
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
