It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize