I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
