Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
