Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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