if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
