I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
