Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
