I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
