Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
