I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
