google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
