I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
