My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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