I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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