so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
