So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize