This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
