If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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