her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
