WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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