it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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