girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
