Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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