We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
