I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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