True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
accomplished twins. life is a go
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
