based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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