I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
