So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
how does that bad decision feel?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
