i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
