if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
