I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
