I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
