just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
