8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i've created a new STD.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
