U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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