I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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