But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
