you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Operation Purity has been aborted
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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