he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize