About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
