guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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