If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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