I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
high people should be assigned attendants
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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