Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
