so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize