you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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