I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
