She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
