I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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