And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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