how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
