Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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