Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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