the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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