Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
