dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
