I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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