I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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