did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
