And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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