it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
