Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think people are normalizing furries
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
