he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
