Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
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