Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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