I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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