i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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