bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize