My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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