btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
