so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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