My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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