She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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