I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
