i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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