can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
