we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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