I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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