I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
