Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
