Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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