I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
