there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
