Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
