apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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