Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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