fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
