Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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