did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so let's talk penis.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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