drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
