I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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