I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Shame - the story of my life.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
