At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize