Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
where are my eyebrows?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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