I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
