we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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