He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
