Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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