sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
