I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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