ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
