You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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