I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
