You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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