He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
