If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
